Animated Atrocities: The Get Along Gang Pilot

Show: The Get Along Gang
Episode: Pilot
Year: 1984/1985

Writer(s): N/A

STOP STARING INTO MY SOUL! I WILL NOT SUBMIT TO THE WILL OF THE HIVEMIND! I'D SOONER GIVE MY MIND TO BILL CIPHER THAN JOIN YOU FREAKS!

 

This is the big one what I can indisputably call the worst cartoon of the dark age of cartoons. The Get Along Gang was originally a series of greeting cards created by the greeting card company American Greetings; so, obviously, this just HAD to have a cartoon series to appeal to stupid kids! The pilot was not developed by DiC (who did the actual cartoon), but by Nelvana; you know, the company who made Little Bear, Donkey Kong Country and all those movie spinoff cartoons of the 80s and 90s? The pilot also aired on Nickelodeon back in its early development years, while the actual cartoon aired on CBS Saturday mornings. If it had aired on Nickelodeon, it would have NEVER blossomed into what it has become, and if it aired now, it would have died off. There was an attempt to revive the series in the 2000s, but, thankfully, it never came to pass.

 

The basic premise for the series is that these anthropomorphic animals in the town of Green Meadow meet in an abandoned caboose as a "gang" to teach the values of teamwork and friendship, something the Care Bears were doing a lot better around this time. Each of the characters has a very obvious fault that usually gets out of hand to start up a conflict. For example, Woolma Lamb is vain, Bingo "Bet-It-All" Beaver is greedy, Portia Porcupine is sensitive and the group’s leader Montgomery "Good News" Moose is clumsy. And although there are 12 members of the group, only 6 ever received any real focus throughout the series; it's especially noticeable here since they are the only ones who talk.

 

This cartoon was made during a time when parent groups held tons of power into what you could or couldn't show on television. Violence of any sort was not allowed, EVER! The show focused on positive values so much over conflict that it got the point of attacking individualism and freethinking! Mark Evanier, who worked on the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon that aired alongside The Get Along Gang on CBS, noted the following complaints about cartoons of that time, especially this one here:

 

www.newsfromme.com/pov/col145-…

 

Basically, if you want to get a burger and everybody else wants pizza, you'll GET the fucking pizza whether you like it or not! The group is always right, the complainer is always wrong! FUCK OFF! This is the basic premise of the entire series! One of the gang goes off on his/her own, gets in trouble and learns they should've listened to the group learning "the error of his or her ways." And yes, I know shows like Captain Planet also did this shit, but none of them were THIS transparent on the ideals! It was this show that inspired Mark to create the Buddy Bears on Garfield and Friends as a big fat 'FUCK YOU' to those standards! There ARE times where you have to think for yourself and do your own thing; group majority isn't always a good thing, and it's those who often speak out against the consensus that are the strongest members. 

 

Oh yeah, this show also had a couple of villains to hammer in this point as well: Catchum Crocodile and Leland Lizard. They are supposed to represent your typical troublemaking kids who cheat and steal to get what they want, but the way they are used makes it seem like ANY deterring from the group makes one look bad! Catchum actually made a good point in the pilot: "Who wants to join a gang where you have to get along?" He's basically trying to say, "Why would you want friends?", but I see it as "Why would you want friends that all think the same way?". These two are basically Dick Dastardly and Muttley, considering they use similar significant tactics to try and win the scavenger hunt. Also, Leland is stolen from Bill the Lizard from Disney's Alice in Wonderland.

 

Ah yes, the plot of the pilot. Basically, there's this scavenger hunt where the winner gets all the ice cream they can eat and they get a flavor named after them, sweet! Although, I don't think the kids this show is aimed towards would know exactly what "mocha moose" is exactly. This prize gets all of the gang ideas of what they'd want the flavor to be, but considering Montgomery always wins the hunt every year, they all have their doubts. And this scavenger hunt is crazier than the one the Delightful Children from Down the Lane rigged up in the series finale of Codename: Kids Next Door! Purple cow, 150 points! Chicken dentures, 5 points! 1938 Model "Q" car, 250 points! And of course, Catchum added an entry to the list nobody would be able to get: for 2000 points, Lacertilia Squamata! That's an awful big word for such a stupid villain to know. And yes, I looked it up that Lacertilia squamata is an actual genus of lizard.

 

Bingo makes a bet with Catchum: if one of the gang wins the hunt, he has to clean their clubhouse for a year. I know Catchum is the villain and all, but that bet isn't fair; there's way more of the gang than him. But if Catchum wins, he gets the clubhouse! That is actually a very stupid bet to agree to either way, since either wager would suck donkey dick. We see how the competition is kind of making some of the gang get a bit jerky with each other. I can actually understand that it's a competition, so helping your opponent wouldn't help you; I mean, there's being a good sport, but still, teamwork isn't something you do when your in a single person event.

 

And according to the song sung by The Lovin' Spoonful's own John Sebastian, we can understand that "it isn't because they're being mean, it's because they forgotten teamwork." That's idiotic! It isn't because of teamwork, it's because competitive spirit! A scavenger hunt is NOT something you should be doing to work as a team with unless you're doing it in groups, which this doesn't apply to! This is the guy who did music work for The Devil and Daniel Mouse and several Care Bears productions! How much were you paid off, Mr. Sebastian? Fortunately, your work didn't get used for the actual show; it's beneath you. So I can maybe forgive this if it wasn't so stupid. Keep in mind they aren't trying to spite each other while they're competing through the montage, it's just a clusterfuck of an isolated incident. And they do get their items unscaved.

 

And through another cluster, they almost get killed in a collision of gathering their shit! They're right to tussle in such a crash because they're disoriented. However, I don't appreciate cheating on Woolma’s part for painting a cow purple! Surprisingly, they're all able to get back with their items intact, even chicken dentures (must be as rare as a horse's smile and it's only a worthless 5 points). But Catchum's been spending all this time hunting down his flunky, and Leland IS the Lacertilia Squamata! How predictable.... And Bingo was stupid as shit enough to bet Catchum their clubhouse! What an asshole! So to beat a very obvious cheater, they all decide to pool their items together into Zipper Cat’s bin, since he was going to win anyways. That is NOT how scavenger hunts work at all! And doing this should've gotten the respective members disqualified for cheating in their own way!

 

In an effort to get the last 500 points to beat Catchum's score, they all decide to enter the Grand Prix race in the final 1/2 hour of the scavenger hunt with the rusty piece of shit 1938 Model "Q" car despite having no repairs and being barely able to move. Even the racing announcer thinks this is some kind of joke! And predictably, it breaks down because it's a piece of shit! So they all decide to patch it up in a badly animated montage while the racers are way far out in front of Montgomery Moose! I'm certain all the repairs in that world couldn't get a 1938 piece of scrap to outrun professional racecars! Not unless it's secretly supped up like Speed Racer’s Mach 5, anyways. This causes the car to go out of control with Portia behind the wheel. You'll never guess how they win the race, just guess: MONTGOMERY MOOSE WINS BY HIS ANTLERS! Montgomery wasn't even in the fucking car! And they have multiple teammates in the vehicle, fairly certain that's illegal. Also, they're fucking children! I mean, when Hey Arnold! did a racing plot, it made sense because the kids were in the go-carts!

 

If only they all died in a car crash... But seriously, the gang just barely wins by the skins of their respective asses, even though what they're doing is considered cheating by all accounts. No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! You CANNOT have the entire gang win the same competition, when they're COMPETING AGAINST EACH OTHER IN THE COMPETITION! It isn't fair to Mr. Hoofnagel the ice cream shop owner either, because now he has to give these little diaper snots all the milkshakes they can drink! That's all they can drink for 12 kids! The only thing this episode gets right is that the gang is right to chew Bingo out because he made a stupid ass bet that almost made them lose the club! But it's ok because they won by working together! Bite me! Bingo is the only one who tried to do his own thing; yes, he screwed up, but at least he felt bad about it, isn't that enough since they won? Also, the gangs' brains aren't complexed enough to hold more than one emotion at one time, since they all cheer up rather quickly.

 

So the moral here is: "Competition is bad, and the only way to beat a cheater is by cheating, but it's ok if you do it together! You shouldn't go against your friends in competition." I do kind of understand that part; a lot of people don't want to compete against their friends, but if you don't, it would just make things even worse for you and make you come off as kind of petty. Yu-Gi-Oh! practically RUNS on friends competing against each other! It's good to have friends and do stuff with them, but you shouldn't be afraid to go against them sometimes on ideas or competition. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, you'll still be friends. If The Get Along Gang pilot went with a moral similar to Yu-Gi-Oh!, the story would've had an actual purpose! But no, it just wants to spread stupid HIVEMIND morality!

Cringe-Inducing Audio: 9
Cringe-Inducing Visuals: 0
Lackluster Writing: 8
Annoyance: 8
Disturbing Content: 0
Unnecessary Cruelty: 0
Rancid Morality: 5
Low Production Values: 5
Unfortunate Implications: 4
Character Derailment: 0

Final Score: 39/100


The Get Along Gang is owned by American Greetings Corporation and Those Characters From Cleveland.

Animated Atrocities is from

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